ANGELS - I DOUBT

Nathan, presumed son of Josiah of Beit Sahur, shivered upon a rock in the Shepherd's Fields east of Bethlehem and pondered the disappointments of his life. The tiny fire had nearly burned out and he made no move to stir it or hunt for more fuel. Instead, he sat motionless, his white beard drooped over his hands which hung limply over sharp knees. His grey robe was blackened and odorous where the bottom corner had been repeatedly brushed into the fire. It slid off his shoulders now and he gave it an impatient twitch and clutched it close around him.

The stars were bright enough in the cold navy blue sky to distinguish the huddle of sheep and the shadowed shape of Dog who padded watchfully around them. Across on the next pasture, a fire blazed to silhouette shepherds as they moved about. Beyond the pasture lay the dark valley of the olive groves just outside town and beyond that a glimmer of lights from Bethlehem itself.

During the lonely nights, Nathan spoke often to Dog, finding in his adoring brown eyes and silent approval a highly satisfactory audience.

"...a shepherd in Bethlehem...too cold in winter...too hot in summer...who can make a living? Sheep are stupid creatures. I should be so lucky to lose them all over the rocks...God forbid. Miriam would kill me."

He shivered and rocked slightly back and forth as, one by one, he mentally booted the sheep over the edge of an imaginary steep cliff into the dark silences below. He could almost feel the thick bouncy fleeces against his leg. He lifted his shoulders to his ears.

"Eh, stupid sheep." He sniffed and wiped his nose against the sleeve of his robe, "But Miriam would kill me."

He thought of the big boned, loud spoken woman who was his wife and remembered how, this evening before dark, she had stuffed a chunk of grey looking bread into his leather pouch and handed him a dripping goat bladder.

"So fix it - or get a new one. And I'm telling you again, I need a new cooking pot, a new cover for the bed and the broom is worn out."

"The hitting you had coming." Miriam's rasping voice began to rise. "Every time I think about how you and your fine father tricked and lied...You should be a rich man's son like you let my father think. If he had known your father was that Josiah, he never would have made the deal."

"Who can know his own father?" Nathan rolled his eyes piously. He remembered ruefully what a prize she had seemed and how richly and deceptively she had been dressed. He and his father had planned carefully and the scheme had worked. He had convinced himself without much trouble that her nicely rounded end had justified the means.

"You were a pretty little flirt in those days," he said edging toward the door, "How was I to know you would grow up to be like your mother?"

In Shepherd's Fields,the stars seemed very close and bright. One in particular he noticed as the light from the fire dimmed. It had a light streak behind it and Nathan imagined he could see it move toward the west even as he stared up at it. He wondered if the shepherds on the other hill noticed it. They were guarding the sacrificial sheep for the temple in Jerusalem and thought they were better than ordinary shepherds guarding ordinary sheep. Well, maybe so. Who can know the ways of the Lord? But to be a shepherd, you had to be only a little smarter than the sheep - and that left a long way to go.

Nathan twitched his robe and moved closer to the coals, brushing the same scorched corner through them. He snatched it out still smoking and shook it just as Dog plodded by on his rounds. This was an obvious invitation to play so Dog grabbed the corner, shaking and growling, scrabbling his claws on the rocky ground. Nathan jerked at it, but Dog simply tightened his grip and crouched on his front legs his tail waving high and joyously.

"Here, Dog, you son of the Devil. Let go, now. I'll take my stick to you!" Nathan shouted.

His knee was aching in the cold weather, but he hoisted himself up to get a better purchase in the tug of war. Dog appeared to think this game was a pleasant change from sheep. In the battle, a mouthful of cloak was lost and another seam ripped somewhere in the back, "Miriam will kill me." Nathan aimed a kick at Dog but only succeeded in twisting an already aching knee. Dog was out of range, yapping bossily at the noisy sheep who had been disturbed by the battle. His tail still wagged reminiscently.

Nathan stirred the coals around with his stick, pulled his robe closer and sat back down on the rock. When stones rattled on the path, he raised his head and stared into the dark.

"Nathan, Nathan, did you hear? Come on, man, get it off that rock and let's go on down there."

A thin figure labored breathlessly up the last of the steep path. Nathan sniffed. He squinted at the figure without enthusiasm and remained seated.

"Oh, it's you Jacob. I knew you by those crazy tassels on your keffiyeh. Did I hear what? Gossip I don't need - Miriam has plenty of that. So you wasted your time coming.

"Like it's not gossip, man. There was this here angel came - flew down, like - and told us..."

"Angel? Angel. What kind of story are you telling now with Angels talking already?"

"Yeah, Angels from on high, man. One of them told us the Savior was born in Bethlehem and there was a whole bunch of them sang. Said something about the King of the Jews was born at last and follow that star."

"Stand still, already. Quit that bouncing around. Who can listen with all that jittering? Angels...." Nathan sniffed, "Angels, I doubt."

"Yea, verily, man. We were sitting by the fire - just rapping, you know, and all of a sudden comes this light, like, bright as daylight. And then this Angel, just like I said, told us the King was born and then a whole bunch sang real pretty. Didn't you hear it or see the light? Man, you must have been asleep. They made enough noise."

"Well, the light was pretty bright, you know, and I wasn't a bit scared, man, but I decided it wouldn't hurt to show a little, you know, reverence. So I didn't see the Angels. Man, my nose was in the sand the whole time. But the star is still up there. See the bright one with the tail? And the Angel said it would lead us to the King. So come on, already."

"No way. You go and tell me about it when you get back. My knee hurts; my sheep are running around and I think I am going to kill my dog."

"Nathan, man, you'll be sorry if you don't go pay your respects to the King."

"Jacob, the last time I heard you say that I'll be sorry was when you told me I'd be sorry if I didn't buy the magic potion off you to make me young again. You remember, I paid you three shekkles and it didn't make me young again. Didn't do a thing for Miriam, either. All I got from that magic was a sore back where Miriam whacked me with the broom again for spending the money. So your story you can tell to someone else. Angels...I doubt."

Jacob started moving away before Nathan finished. He called back over his shoulder, "All right, man. You do your own thing. I should argue. But if you change your mind, just follow that star."

Nathan rattled away down the steep path slipping on the loose rocks in his hurry.

Nathan shook his head. "First magic that doesn't work, now Angels he didn't see. I just don't understand young people today."

He pulled his robe closer and wondered where he could find fuel for his fire. The star with the tail did seem a little closer to the city. Suppose a King really was born in Bethlehem. Jacob would get there first and all the honor would go to him. Maybe the Royal Family would be giving away silver or gifts of jewels to those who got there first - hmm - - It was possible Jacob would go all over town bragging about his good fortune and Miriam would hear about it.

Yes, he'd go down to the Bed and Breakfast Inn in Bethlehem - that's where the King would be, of course. If he took the short cut, he might still beat Jacob and the others. He'd go right up there and kneel before the King.

"Ah, Nathan," the beautiful royal Mother in her rich blue bejeweled gown would say, "We have been waiting. Get up, man, and see the Baby. Such a Child."

And Nathan would get up and bow before the Queen and say, "Welcome to Bethlehem, Your Majesty. My wife Miriam and I would be honored if you would be guests in our home - in case you don't like it here or it's too expensive. Everyone says the innkeeper is a bandit."

And then the Queen would say graciously, waving her hand with all the rings on it, "We thank you and your wife. It's all right here at the Inn but we should be pleased to take wine with you in a day or two."

"Now give my faithful friend here the golden coffer of jewels and a new cooking pot - with diamonds in it - and gold encrusted, too - for his wife. And, remember, for that Jacob, if he ever gets here, nothing at all."

Nathan sniffed and shivered and got groaning to his feet. The star was still there, trailing off to the west. The sheep were huddled and quiet once again.

"Dog," he called, "Watch the stupid sheep." and he stumped off down the path leaning on his crook and rattling rocks down ahead of him as he went.

Halfway down the hill, a steep turn and a narrow path signalled him to cut off and follow a faint track towards the olive groves at the bottom of the hill. He stopped here to ease his knee a minute and muttered, "Angels, already! Always Jacob has to tell the greatest story. Angels...such an imagination. Such a liar, more like it. A star a sensible man can believe, but Angels, I doubt."

The track was rough and hard to follow. In his hurry, he twisted his knee more than once and stone bruised his feet. The olive groves were dark. Branches tore at his cloak and hit his face. Finally, glints of light began to filter through the trees and at last he stood on the edge of the groves and looked over at the lights of Bethlehem.

Nearby, the road to Jerusalem passed and from where he stood he could hear the creak of leather, the shouts of the drivers and the tinkle of the little harness bells. People were still on the road, travelling to their home villages to pay the tax. He watched them go by. There were families travelling with one or two tiny loaded donkeys, the older children trailing behind, the young ones perched on top of the loads. A large caravan of camels swayed past. Their riders were strangely dressed Magi from the east. They were pointing to the star and talking loudly to each other in a tongue which was strange to Nathan's ears. He moved closer to the edge of the road to catch a clearer view of the gold and red robe worn by one of them. As he did so, a camel reached out its snaky neck, pulled back its lips and nipped the sleeve of Nathan's robe with its long yellow teeth.

"Aaiiee," howled Nathan angrily and pulled the sleeve away, leaving a mouthful of wool with the camel. He shook his fist at the camel and then, after some brief consideration, at the star, still moving toward Bethlehem. The camel drivers laughed and made unmistakably rude gestures at him as he scuttled across the road

When Nathan reached the Inn at Bethlehem, he knew he was in the right place for the star seemed to have stopped directly overhead. There was nobody about. Jacob and the other shepherds had not arrived yet, and the heavy door of the Inn was closed. Nathan raised his crook and thumped resoundingly on the door. It made a satisfactory thunder.

"Ho, landlord, ho! Let me in. I've come to worship the King. Let me in. I, Nathan the Shepherd, am the first to arrive. Let me in, already!"

A voice from above called out, "Quiet, Shepherd. We're all sleeping here. No more room at the Inn."

There were footsteps overhead. Nathan raised his face just in time to receive a pitcher of water poured from the roof of the building.

The beautiful queen, the jewels, the cooking pot all washed away in the icy flood. There was no King here. He sputtered and wiped his face with the hem of his robe.

He was wet and cold and his knee hurt. Behind the Inn, the land dropped off steeply and formed a cave which was used to shelter the animals. It would be warm there and he could rest before he started back to the Shepherd's Field. He started off around the back of the Inn. He followed the steep path gingerly for a few steps, lost his footing and began to slide, groaning, down the hill, making a crash landing against the heavy beam that framed the entrance to the shelter. He pulled himself to his feet by using his crook, making a few hopeless futile dabs at the robe which had collected unsavory bits of barnyard and hay on the trip down.

The shelter, warm with the scent of animals and fodder, pulled him inside. He tested warily for blood on his forehead with a gnarled inquiring forefinger and then, twitching his cloak around him, eased himself onto a pile of straw in the corner. He had spent several minutes in a satisfying reverie in which he administered a number of creative tortures to Jacob, when he became aware of slight stirrings in the back of the cave. Then a very young baby cried.

"Joseph, the Carpenter and Mary his wife from Nazareth and with our first born son - born this evening."

"Ah," Nathan sat up in the straw, "A son you have. May you have many more and may they bless you - not like some I could mention...tassels...Angels...magic...oy!"

Joseph came forward. He was a solid man with heavy shoulders and a square cut beard. He had the fuzzy dazzled look worn by a new father of a first born son.

"Come see Him - would you like to? The Angels told us of His coming and you are the first to come and honor Him."

"Angels, again!" Nathan rolled his eyes, "This is a new thing to talk to Angels? So everyone is in the act - even strangers from Nazareth."

But Joseph gave him a hand and helped him to his feet and Nathan limped slowly to the manger in the back. There was a white bundle on the hay. While Joseph held high a dim light, Nathan stood looking at the small pink face. At last after a silence, he nodded slowly and raised his shoulders to his ears.

"A baby is a baby...but if the Angels brought him I'm sure it's a fine one."

The young mother, a child herself, smiled so radiantly at Nathan that he felt his face grow hot and his feet began to shift uneasily for their first backward step. Small babies always made him uneasy so he found he had to clear his throat a few times before he could speak again.

"I must go on. I was looking for a King who was supposed to be born tonight, but Jacob, who doesn't know a sheep from a goat anyway, must have got things mixed up as usual."

Both young parents spoke, but Nathan had reached the doorway and was already stumping off up the hill. He crossed the cobbled street when he reached the front of the Inn to avoid meeting a noisy excited group of shepherds hurrying towards him. The tall young man in the lead had large red and purple tassels on his keffiyeh. Nathan frowned, his thoughts already ahead at Shepherd's Fields with Dog. He'd have to have a head count when he got back - so many bandits and wolves these days.

When he met the caravan with the Magi coming back towards the Inn, he was careful to stand far back from the camels to let it pass.